Thursday, May 14, 2009

Son of the Mask - review

Coming soon. Because I'm a lazy prick. Plus a real reason: I will watch The Mask proper for the first time in several years, because apparently Ben Stein was in the first one, which indicates to me that it's been too long since I've seen the first one to properly review the sequel.

If you absolutely have to know what I think, though, and I know you do, the following should suffice.


1. Toilet humor hasn't been funny since the 1980's. Everybody was doing coke at the time.

2.

+

=

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Playlist - The Essential Old Sad Bastard

A work in progress. Songs about unrequited love, loss, anger, pain, and general malaise. A lot of these are a bit modern for my taste, but I've just really gotten into music in the past few years. Considering the music I had around when most people get into music, you shouldn't blame me.

Lost Cause - Beck

Back in Your Head - Tegan and Sara

Bang Bang - Nancy Sinatra cover

How to Disappear Completely - Radiohead

Losing My Religion - REM

Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley cover

Jolene - Dolly Parton

True Romance - She Wants Revenge

Cat's in the Cradle - Harry Chapin

Superstar - The Carpenters

Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles

Hotel California - The Eagles

Knockin' on Heaven's Door - Bob Dylan

Danny Boy - Johnny Cash cover

Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia - Vicki Lawrence

One More Time - Joe Jackson

Hurt - Johnny Cash Cover

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The project is ongoing.

Tonight, I struck a swift, powerful blow against the towering wall of my project.

I watched Son of the Mask.

In its entirety.

Some of my real-time notes:


The museum guards appear to have the same uniforms as the guards from Ernest Goes to Jail.

Six minutes in, and there has been a shit joke, and somebody has been hit in the groin.

Oh fuck he's rapping.

First fart joke: 9:43 pm.

Small chuckle at 9:44. Babies with deep voices crack me up. I feel deep shame.

If my baby began singing and dancing before turning into Woody Woodpecker, I would beat it to death with a lamp.

9:56: I laugh again. I tear out some of my leg hair.

Domestic violence is hilarious.

Loki? Child molester.

Ransom joke. Topical.

His battle gear is the suit from Eddie Murphy: Raw.

Watching the credits, I realize that Kal Penn was playing a Mexican.


Expect the review in the next week, they should come faster after that. Not that you care.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

My project.

I will be watching and reviewing every single English-language comic book film which meets my criteria. The restrictions are as follows:

No serials.
No pilots, failed backdoor pilots on a case-by-case basis. (IE, no Witchblade, but Generation X or Nick Fury will probably be fine.)
TV movies only if they are stand-alone. This means that unfortunately, I can't review the Hulk TV movies, because they are just part of the series.
No animated films.
The film must be based on a comic book, not a franchise which happened to become a comic book. (IE, no Timecop or Aliens vs. Predator)
I won't review anything I absolutely can't find, but I will call upon all of my resources to find things.


The master list, subject to addition or subtraction (From Wikipedia):


30 Days of Night (2007) X
300 (2007) X
American Splendor (2003)
Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again (1990)
Art School Confidential (2006)
Barb Wire (1996)
Batman (1966) X
Batman (1989) X
Batman Returns (1992) X
Batman Forever (1995) X
Batman & Robin (1997) X
Batman Begins (2005) X
The Dark Knight (2008) X
Blade (1998) X
Blade II (2002) X
Blade: Trinity (2004) X
Bulletproof Monk (2003)
Captain America (1979, TV movie)
Captain America II: Death Too Soon (1979, TV movie)
Captain America (1991)
Catwoman (2004)
Constantine (2005) X
The Crow (1994) X
The Crow: City of Angels (1996)
The Crow: Salvation (2000)
The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005)
Daredevil (2003) X
Dr. Strange (1978, TV movie)
Elektra (2005)
The Fantastic Four (1994)
Fantastic Four (2005)
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) X
Faust: Love of the Damned (2001)
From Hell (2001)
G-Men from Hell (2000)
Generation X (1996, TV movie) X
Ghost Rider (2007) X
Ghost World (2001) X
Hellboy (2004) X
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) X
A History of Violence (2005) X
Howard the Duck (1986)
Hulk (2003) X
The Incredible Hulk (2008) X
Iron Man (2008) X
Josie and the Pussycats (2001) X
Judge Dredd (1995) X
Justice League of America (1997, TV pilot)
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) X
Man-Thing (2005)
The Mask (1994) X
Son of the Mask (2005)
Men in Black (1997) X
Men in Black II (2002) X
Monkeybone (2001)
El Muerto (2005)
Mystery Men (1999) X
Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. (1998, TV movie) X
Power Pack (1991, TV movie)
The Punisher (1989) X
The Punisher (2004) X
Punisher: War Zone (2008)X
Red Sonja (1985)
Ri¢hie Ri¢h (1994)
Richie Rich's Christmas Wish (1998)
Road to Perdition (2002) X
The Rocketeer (1991) X
Sabrina the Teenage Witch (1997)
The Shadow (1994) X
Sheena (1984)
Sin City (2005) X
Spawn (1997) X
Spider-Man (2002) X
Spider-Man 2 (2004) X
Spider-Man 3 (2007) X
The Spirit (2008)
Steel (1997) X
Supergirl (1984)
Superman and the Mole Men (1951)
Superman (1978) X
Superman II (1981) X
Superman III (1983) X
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
Superman Returns (2006) X
Swamp Thing (1982) X
The Return of Swamp Thing (1989)
Tales from the Crypt (1972)
Tank Girl (1995) X
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) X
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991) X
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)
Timecop (1994) X
Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision (2003)
Up in Flames (1973)
V for Vendetta (2006) X
Vampirella (1996)
The Vault of Horror (1973)
Virus (1999)
Wanted (2008)
Watchmen (2009) X
X-Men (2000) X
X2 (2003) X
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) X
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) X



Those I've already seen are marked with X's, but I plan to re-watch before reviewing, since I watched most of them before puberty.



This will continue and be a feature on the blog for a long time, I suppose.